I’m procrastinating. Avoiding is probably more accurate, actually. Putting things off isn’t exactly new for me; in fact, it’s kind of a hobby of mine. This is different and it’s time to come clean. I’m scared. There, I said it.
About a month ago I said that I would write an op-ed for my local daily along the lines of my mama bear post. Keri at Commute Orlando had made the suggestion as a kick-off for the Florida Bicycle Association’s upcoming Civility Initiative. I’m really excited about the initiative and had been musing on writing to the local paper anyways, so why not? I’m clearly in no shortage of opinions, so an op-ed seemed right up my alley.
Winter break came, I hibernated, and winter break went. No big deal, I figured, I came back from break refreshed and ready to take on the world–I’d just pick up where I left off. So coffee in hand, I sat down at the laptop and got ready to write. And then I wrote a post over at Commute Orlando. A post that was nowhere on my agenda. No biggie–I’d really been meaning to contribute over there, so it was just as important, right? The next night, I got the kids settled and sat down ready to write. I even ventured over to the comments section of “that” Orlando Sentinel article to find some inspiration. And then I wrote a post for my blog. Then the next night, I got home from work, sat up straight, drank a boatload of coffee, and…wrote this post. Something’s going on here.
I’m afraid to write the op-ed. To be more accurate, I’m afraid of writing the op-ed as Angie of 4onaQuarter. It’s one thing to write a theoretical piece on riding with kids; it’s quite another to personally put myself out there for judgment as someone riding with her children. I know I shouldn’t be, but I’ve been too chicken to take on the wrath of the comment trolls. I know what I’m doing is okay and safe, but “they” don’t and I guess I’m too afraid of the judgment. Raising kids is tough work and it’s hard to accept criticism on your parenting choices, no matter the source. It doesn’t matter how credible the accuser, it plays on those little voices in your head that doubt every choice you make on behalf of your kids. I’ll be honest, it can be intimidating putting my thoughts out there via this blog and I’m pretty sure the majority of people that stumble across it are probably pro-bike people. The thought of putting my blog/riding out for judgment via a mainstream news source feels like being thrown to the wolves.
What I’d like to do is force everyone to read this fantastic post by Julian at Totcycle on the safety of family cycling (which, by the way, I highly recommend you read immediately), but that’s not going to happen. I could also just write it and never read the comments, but that requires a whole lot of will power that I probably don’t have. The reality is, their judgment of me exists whether or not I fight back. At least by speaking up, I can put a dent in the idea that their point of view is the only one that exists. Although I know someone is breaking social conventions by yelling at me for no good reason on the road, I always feel like they have the unspoken support of the other drivers. Maybe it’s paranoia, or maybe they really do feel like everyone except a few weird bicyclists feel that way–like the feeling is so accepted that it’s completely okay to ignore all societal norms about not cursing out random strangers that aren’t even in your lane. Headlining articles full of anti-bicyclist sentiments certainly can’t help.
I think it’s time to take off the training wheels and get out there like a big girl. As soon as I get done with this post…
Ah procrastination! I have a backlog of posts I’ve been meaning to write… some go back 6 months. I’ll say, “I need to get x1, x2 and x3 done before I sit down and write. Then, as I’m procrastinating on x1, a burst of inspiration will hit me and I’ll start writing a post… something completely unrelated to any of the backlog of posts I intended to write.
But let me just say, thank you so much for using your procrastination energy to write for CO! Your post took pressure off me to post something and I actually managed to get one of the x’s done
And now, on to putting yourself out there in the mainstream. I feel ya, girl. As I said when you started this blog, putting yourself out there in writing is scarier than riding in traffic. Printing your opinion in the newspaper is scarier than jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.
I wrote my first (and only) op ed before I started CommuteOrlando. It was my first foray into putting myself out there (did I mention I used to skydive?). When I submitted it, the opinion editor gushed, told me he was putting it in that Sunday’s paper. I was so excited! Until Saturday night. Then I started obsessing on how various factions of the community might end up hating me and ripping me to shreds. I felt exposed. By Sunday morning I was nauseous.
It turned out fine. Better than fine, actually.
Finally, on social conventions. The people who yell at us feel they have the unspoken support of other drivers. The solidarity they get from newspaper comment sections certainly does not help curtail their inflated self-importance. I think the percentage of drivers who accept us on the road is higher than we think sometimes (though still lower than it needs to be). I also believe we increase those numbers by consistent messaging about how safe bicycling is (even in this imperfect environment). In that regard, you are a game-changer.
In the world of bicycling, what we do has long been cast as the domain of road warriors — “skinny white men.” While I am no road warrior, nor skinny, nor male, I am a recovering adrenaline junkie. But you, you are a cautious, protective mother of two sweet daughters. And you know what you are doing — because you took the time to learn all you could about the best practices of keeping yourself and your daughters safe. You know, they don’t.
And worry not, my friend, you will not be left to the wolves in the comments. You have an army of readers standing by to slay them.
Write on! You are a brilliant communicator and this community awaits your message.
No pressure
Lenore Skenazy over at Free-Range Kids can probably help you through this. She got national notoriety for writing about letting her 9-year-old take the subway home alone in NYC and was briefly referred to as “America’s Worst Mom.”
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/
An article about parents cycling with kids is exactly the antidote we need to counter all the BS about group rides.
Angie,
Sometimes I get discouraged with the backlash “opinions” of the anti-cycling/get bikes off the road fear mongers and the species homo sapien ignoramus. Your op-ed will be a turning point in changing the mindset and attitude of the aforementioned in regards to safely and effectively cycling with children and as a family.
Searching for the good ancient music of the 80’s on the internet, I found a real gem. Bookmark and listen at will. I think the lyrics apply in regards to the advocacy we are doing here in Orlando.
http://tinyurl.com/yh26fch
That’s a wicked earworm Rodney. But it replaced the earworm I already had in my head. Keri knows what I’m talking about.
And I bet you are grateful for that!
The best thing for the comments section is for supporters to comment. And, make sure no one gets dragged into a verbal confrontation.
Ride safe, enjoy the ride, get to the finish with a smile
I understand this, Angie. I really do. It is one thing to be labeled as “crazy” for cycling or “ridiculous” or whatever else someone might accuse a solo bike commuter of being. However, once we get publicly labeled “bad parent”– that’s a whole ‘nother thing, a comment not easily shrugged off or dismissed.
Just last week this other parent, whom I had just met and who had just listened to others talking to me about my bike commuting with kids, made a comment about how he used to live in Copenhagen and really liked biking, however, he would “never, ever” ride here (in our city) with kids because he could never put them in such danger “just to prove a point.” I couldn’t really respond as I was in professional mode, there in the conversation in my job role not ‘just’ as a parent,, and it would have been inappropriate for me to say what I was really thinking. However, that comment played over and over in my head all day.. even though I didn’t respect his opinion and frankly, thought he was a total jerk for saying it without knowing me really and truly, he wasn’t talking about himself but so obviously passively aggressively calling me a bad parent.
Anyhoo, I am sending out good thoughts over the web and hoping you get inspired and feel good about writing what you believe and what you live. I, also, probably couldn’t stop myself from reading others’ comments but do know you have others’ support and think you just rock for taking on this family bike commuting adventure.
Thank you, Keri, for that incredibly nice and encouraging comment! And jeez, what a great op-ed – talk about pressure! :p
@Rodney – yeah, I’m not sure I can get behind an anthem from the guys that were too sexy for their cats. We might need to go back to the drawing board on that one.
@Mighk – thanks for reminding me to check out her site. I’d been meaning to anyway and she has some great stuff there!
@sara Oh man, that steams me just to read that! Grr! I so don’t understand the whole passive-aggressive thing. I’m not particularly confrontational, but if I have something to say, well…I’m going to go ahead and say it. Even if you weren’t in professional mode, it makes it so hard to respond when people do that whole PA thing because it’s almost like you can never call them out on it. Thank you for the continued support. It helps so much to know you’re not alone, particularly in moments like the one you mentioned.